I’ve been wanting to write a blog to express myself, share my journey, and keep in touch with y’all. This is my start of a consistently inconsistent newsletter series =)
To begin with, I am writing a series on my experience of struggling with nervous system dysregulation and extreme chronic fatigue in September and October (it's ongoing). In today’s post, I will share how I created habits to get more movement in my life while struggling with very low capacity.
→ To skip to the “how-to,” scroll down to Principles / Strategies / Hacks
How I’ve Been Building Habits with Low Capacity & Energy
[September]
Okay, so in September, I had a lot going on in my life. I had just returned from Burning Man, which usually leads to extreme fatigue and recovery. I had an infection and flu while I was at Burning Man, followed by another infection on my return. I also had a nasty toothache and a root canal.
I was also going through struggles in intimate relationships. I was reckoning with many different things that weren't working in my relationship with my lover. These were tough truths to face.
My parents were visiting for most of September. My mum and I had a series of challenging conversations about our relationship. It was an intense emotional rollercoaster, and especially on top of being physically sick and very weak, it was a lot to handle. I found processing emotions was very taxing.
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[October]
After all this was over in September, and October had rolled in, I was still soooooooo very tired, even though I tried to get a lot of rest in. After much thinking and research, the only plausible thing that would lead to this kind of chronic fatigue was that I was expending so much energy anxiety-ing. My body had gone into a freeze state where it was experiencing nervous system activation (high levels of anxiety) and shut down as a result of the overwhelm.
Since resting didn’t seem to cut it, I knew I needed to do a bit more to resource my nervous system and body out of this shutdown state. I decided to focus on movement because any resource says movement is the best thing you can do for anxiety, depression, and getting your nervous system out of activation and/or freeze states.
But I had to figure out how to do this when I was so tired I couldn’t move. When I say I was tired - I mean like….I kept having to take a 1hr nap only 1 hour after waking up. I would do a “physical activity” like cleaning for 10-15 min and have to sit or lay down to recover. I usually do 3 laps around my apartment complex as a morning walk. For most of September I could not do it - if I did, it was 1 lap. I started feeling a little better as October rolled in.
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So how did I do it?
🚴 Peleton
Deciding on Peloton & Enlisting Support
I needed something at home that would be easy, sustainable, and enjoyable since I can struggle to leave the house to go to the gym at my complex.
I eventually landed on a used Peloton bike. Chatting with multiple sellers, going back and forth about availability and pick-up time, picking it up, bringing it home, and setting up was a lot of upfront work. Thankfully I was able to enlist a friend to pick up and bring it for me.
Starting with the Peloton
When I first started - I didn’t really have a goal. I just wanted to get started. 10 minutes seemed too daunting so I started with a 5min session, a ride through a lake in Croatia. I felt good! I had done my first Peloton ride ever!
On the 2nd day, I did 2x 5 min rides.
On the 3rd day, I did a 10 min ride.
I eventually also did a 20 min ride in one sitting. I found that was the most effective for a mood boost.
Progress with the Peloton
A week into starting, I managed to do a 10-min morning ride. (The previous rides had taken place usually in the evening when I felt like I finally needed to get it done before the day ends). I find morning rides are helpful for a mood + energy boost earlier in the day and making my body tired so it has less energy for anxiety.
There have been 1-2 days where I wasn’t really feeling like it and I allowed myself to meet myself where I am and do a 5 minute ride.
4 weeks in, I am doing 20-minute rides most days, earlier in the day than later.
I do have a loose goal now - which is to aim for 30-min rides on the good days this week.
⌚ Fitbit & 10k Steps
I started using a Fitbit to keep track of my steps. Initially, I was just doing the usual 3 laps around my complex as part of my morning routine.
Once I realized I get quite a lot of steps in at home and that I am not far off from reaching 10k steps in a day, I made it a mission to get 10k steps in. The Fitbit counter makes it feel like a game. I try to do 1-2 laps after lunch and another 1-3 laps in the evening.
🚶🏻♀️ Scheduled Walks with an Accountability Buddy
On Fridays, I have a recurring appointment with my friend Rob. We meet at 2-3pm and go on a walk at the Hollywood Reservoir or hike through Runyon Canyon. Sometimes either one of us is out of town but having a standing appointment makes it much easier for us to meet. I love these because we get to be out in nature, exercise, chat and catch up. There's also nothing quite like having an accountability buddy to get me out of the house.
🧘♀️ Somatic Exercises
I started a 30-day program of somatic exercises. I’ve been wanting to do this program for a year now - but I did not purchase it because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.
I decided to start it this month to help me regulate my nervous system out of this freeze state. I definitely could not do it on my own, so I have been body-doubling with my assistant to do it and we are on day 28!
(I will share more about this program in my next post =)
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Will The Habits Last?
Who knows? I’m not focusing too much on that right now, but I have a feeling they could last pretty long since I have been building them slowly and gently - sustainably.
I haven’t been feeling too “bad” or guilty on the days I am not feeling up to it. For example, last Saturday night I went out dancing and was tired on Sunday so I just did 1-2 laps of walking, and 10 min of the peloton and called it a day. When I was soooo tired from being on my period, I skipped some days.
I have been choosing to celebrate the incremental successes and allow myself to feel good about small steps. The habits are serving me, as opposed to me "grading" myself on how well I am adhering to my plan.
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Principles / Strategies / Hacks That Helped With the Habit Building
🌱 Start slowly and gently
On my first day, I just set out to do a 5-minute ride
I put the focus on starting, no pressure, no big expectations
🌱 Set a fuzzy goal
Sometimes, with a tangible goal like “ride 30 min of peloton 3x a week” I can be prone to seeing how much I didn't accomplish vs how much I actually have accomplished
I let myself just start the habit with an intention and a “fuzzy goal” of getting more movement into my life
🌱 Make it easy to start
I try to keep the “entry barrier” low
Instead of the special clip-in peloton cycling shoes - I just cycle in my indoor slippers
I can’t be asked to change into a workout outfit so I just keep my pj pants on and change into a bra top
🌱 Weave in accountability
In the beginning, I had to be on body doubling / co-working sessions to be able to do the peloton rides
As I became more used to it I could do it on my own
This still depends on the day - if I feel it is going to be hard, I workout on the body-doubling sessions
🌱 Make it fun & feel like a game
Seeing the numbers on my Fitbit made filling the 10k steps feel like a mission and quest to fulfill
I chose game sessions or nature scene rides on Peloton which felt more fun than watching an instructor
🌱 Keeping track and celebrating
I tracked the habits on my fridge (the satisfaction of ticking off boxes!)
I celebrated every time I did a ride or a walk (“Great work, Steph! 💪”)
I told friends and family about my progress and they celebrated with me!
🌱 Weave in flexibility according to my energy level
My energy level fluctuates, so on the days I don’t have energy I let myself do shorter or lower-impact rides, instead of having the same expectation and goal each day
(half-assing it instead of going for perfection!)
When my energy level was sooo low, I let myself just not do it and tried not to feel guilty about it
On days where I had higher energy, I did do higher impact rides and longer rides
🌱 Relied on a web of strategies
I was able to intuitively weave in multiple strategies to create and sustain these habits, instead of relying on one hack or strategy
[To Conclude]
In October, I set out to create some habits to help me slowly get out of my shutdown state. My biggest focus was on movement since basically every resource emphasizes it.
In the last 2-3 weeks, I have definitely felt that more movement has led to increased energy and better mood. I’m definitely not back at 100% but if I was at 20-30% previously, I am at 50-60% now. I am proud of myself for finding gentle ways to get movement in when I am not quite feeling ready to go to the gym or classes.
I actually created more than just the movement habits - I started writing journal entries every morning. I also took supplements. I practiced doing diaphragmatic breathing. I went from waking up between 10-11am to going back to my 7-7:30 am wake-up schedule. I am really celebrating myself for being able to implement so many habits to take care of myself, but also in a way where the habits serve me, as opposed to "grading myself" on how well I am performing.
Looking back, I would not have been able to do this 2-3 years ago, or maybe even a year ago. Having had more practice with creating habits, and maintaining consistent routines - I had data on what works for me and was able to intuitively weave in multiple principles and strategies to come up with what works for me.
This is a great example of what we can create when we work with our neurodivergence instead of trying to conform to conventional ways of getting things done ✨
ᯓᡣ𐭩 if this post resonated with you, I would love to hear shares, comments, and questions you have. =)
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